I have been married and divorced twice. It's strange but either typing that or saying it out loud causes me to tense up and cringe. I hate that fact about myself. HATE HATE HATE.
However hate it or not, it is a fact. It is a part of my journey. I can no more change that about myself than I can make myself taller. It is what it is. Im not sure how much of an actual stigma there is around my mulitple failed marriages- But I feel like a failure.
I have been blessed to be born to the most incredible parents who are still married(to eachother even!!!) I want that. I want what they have. And though I have yet to succeed- I am still holding out hope that my life too might one day include a happy, loving, secure, worn-in, well weathered, healthy, safe, and meaningful connection with someone special.
I cannot say for certain if that will ever come to be for me. But for now, I am happy. Truly happy for maybe the first time in my life. I am loved. I feel cared for. And I feel understood. J and I are different in many ways but on the tough things, on the little quirks of personalities- we fit quite well. I have shown him my scars and he has shown me his, and somehow that makes the world a far less lonely and scary place.
I cant believe that just when I least expected it.... I found baggage that matches mine!!!
However hate it or not, it is a fact. It is a part of my journey. I can no more change that about myself than I can make myself taller. It is what it is. Im not sure how much of an actual stigma there is around my mulitple failed marriages- But I feel like a failure.
I have been blessed to be born to the most incredible parents who are still married(to eachother even!!!) I want that. I want what they have. And though I have yet to succeed- I am still holding out hope that my life too might one day include a happy, loving, secure, worn-in, well weathered, healthy, safe, and meaningful connection with someone special.
I cannot say for certain if that will ever come to be for me. But for now, I am happy. Truly happy for maybe the first time in my life. I am loved. I feel cared for. And I feel understood. J and I are different in many ways but on the tough things, on the little quirks of personalities- we fit quite well. I have shown him my scars and he has shown me his, and somehow that makes the world a far less lonely and scary place.
I cant believe that just when I least expected it.... I found baggage that matches mine!!!
That seems to be when it happens! Congrats to you, and do what feels comfortable for you! I have lived my life backwards and it seems to be ok for me.
ReplyDeleteThat title could not be more perfect. J is a great guy and you two do seem to be well matched! By the way-- love the pics ;)
ReplyDeleteI think too often people settle in with someone before they know who they truely are. Before they are capable of giving to themselves what they expect from someone else. Unfortunately I see several failed marriages as something somewhere along the way that was fear based.
ReplyDeleteAs important as it is for one to know what they are looking for in a companion is as important as it is for them to recognize what they bring to the "table".
When you can be alone with yourself, love yourself naked or clothed in more than one sense, and be your own best friend; is a great time to compliment the life of someone else!
I don't say "you" as in Meghan; I say "you" as in anyone.
PS: I can't wait to hear how you and J unfold!
ReplyDeleteI frequent your sisters blog, and love it, so I thought I would pop on by to visit you! Can't wait to see how you deal with life, since your sister always makes me laugh, I am sure you will too! Have a great day! Congrats oon your new relationship!
ReplyDeleteI love this post!! And I love it for a lot of reasons. One being that in many ways you and I have walked some similar paths. And now, we have both found someone who has seen who we truely are and is not afraid of it. I know that when I am with M I just feel safe and I feel home. Like nothing I ever say to him will change anything between us. He will love me, baggage and all. I'm glad you have also found someone to share that feeling with.
ReplyDelete