Right now it seems as if with everyday that goes by I am realizing more and more just how emotionally broken the past few years has left me. I have always been self-aware and honest enough to admit that I have more than a few "difficult" personality quirks. I guess I really didnt understand the depth of my dysfunction.
My insecurities will eat me alive if I give them more than oh say 90 seconds to culminate. And I can turn seemingly nothing into a REALLY REALLY big deal in almost no time flat. I truly do not understand why I do these things. It is almost as if I feel more "normal" when I have some sort of drama or conflict AND in the absence of anything like that I will create it. Which of course isnt healthy or reasonable or fair to anyone unfortunate enough to be caught in my path.
What really bothers me is that as much as I know these things and can own up to them- I feel almost powerless to stand up to them.
I wont give up- I so much want to break free from the gut-wrenching pain this inflicts on not only me but those that I love.... I just am not exactly sure how to do it........
The Clinical Trial
2 months ago
As I read what you are saying I feel what I interpret you mean; or at least the ways in which it pertains to me.
ReplyDeleteOften times I feel unsettled when situations involving myself become out of my control. There’s the when….as for the Why?....who the hell knows. I recently had someone tell me to practice an exercise when these feelings emerge. I thought it to be ridiculous at first but after a few times it really has helped.
God Give Me Peace! (Assuming you believe in God; if not you can replace God with someone/thing else)
Sounds absurd and sometimes I have to say it 30 times but if nothing else it occupies my time while I can think and hope for a better solution.
Keep sharing!!!